Of Hearts and Spades and The ZERO System
by Amethyst Tellemand
Summary: A short fic about Quatre and his encounter with the game of Solitaire. The computer version. It's kind of a Quatre basher, but not that big of one. Rated PG for the few swears.


It's written a little weird, but other than that, I tried to make this as funny as I could. Came up with this after me and my friend Water Spirit got no sleep. The following morning we play the dreaded solitaire game, and… well, you can see what the fic's based upon. Enjoy!

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Of Hearts and Spades and the ZERO system

A short fic by: Amethyst Tellemand

All was well in the hangar. Or that's what it seemed like.

Click. Tap tap click. "Damn it!" …Click. Tap tap tap. Click click.

What was all the fuss about, you say? Easy enough. Quatre had 'borrowed' Heero's laptop. No, he wasn't looking up a mission. No, it had nothing to do with the Gundams or the pilots. It had nothing to do with the world in general. Except for one thing:

He was playing Solitaire.

Usually, these kind of things don't appeal to the blonde boy. But, what do you know, he suddenly had the urge to play the card game. Meaning he was bored. He couldn't find his deck of cards (Duo had probably took them for a poker game or something… *rolls eyes*) so he took Heero's laptop. Well, Heero wasn't around anyway. Just one little game, right? A little game of Solitaire can't hurt a soul. And besides, playing Solitaire wouldn't screw up the computer, right? He'd be careful. He was always careful about those kinds of things.

"Damn it! Damnitdamnitdamnit I can't win!!!"

Well, y'know. People get frustrated. Especially with that game, let me tell ya. And, of all people, it had to be Quatre. Not like Quatre's a bad person, no. Good gracious no. He's the kindest of them all. He wasn't mad that Duo took his playing cards. And he certainly wasn't going to kill him. Well, his therapist told him to say and act the opposite of what he thought. What does that tell you, ne? Quatre hasn't been the same since the ZERO system.

And the Solitaire game wasn't helping.

"For cryin' out loud!" he muttered to himself more than anyone else as he clicked the mouse and selected the command "Deal" for the thirteenth time. "I swear, if I lose just once more… is it just me, or am I lousy at this game? It's the computer, I bet. It doesn't like me and it _wants_ me to lose. Hah! Well, then. Hey, looks like I'll win this time. That's good. I was sick of losing."

See? I can totally sympathise with the blonde Arabic pilot. I have the same problem. I get so frustrated with card games on the computer that I just want to kill the computer. Just rip it to pieces. Do you ever feel that way? After the computer crashes, you want to send it to Computer Hell? It's the little imp in the computer. Trust me. But, that's another story.

Oops, I must have given him ideas. Well, that's the end of Heero's laptop. Quatre beat it rapidly with a lead pipe after he lost again. He's still twitching, poor thing. It's the frustration. He was about to beat a game and he lost… apparently. May the laptop rest in piece. Now what is Quatre going to do, though? He just destroyed the poor thing. He didn't mean to, honest. He just… gets frustrated easily, that's all. And after the encounter with insanity and the ZERO system, I don't blame him one bit. But now Heero will be mad at Quatre. But… it wasn't _his_ fault. It was the stubborn laptops. No, he should stop thinking those kind of thoughts. It was his fault. Everything is his fault. Being born was his fault. No, no no! That kind of thinking won't help the situation either.

Well, look at that. Heero just walked into the hangar. Quatre quickly put away the lead pipe that he beat the laptop with. Oh, that's not a nice expression on Heero's face. Quatre's smiling innocently, though. Who couldn't believe him, ne?

"Quatre, what happened to my laptop." His voice was calm. Which was something he usually wouldn't act to, but this was _Quatre_ he was dealing with. The little innocent pilot (he found it ironic that everyone called him that) was not so innocent. If he didn't take this nicely, he might end up like the laptop. He still had the lead pipe in reach, after all. Besides, he remembered what happened when Duo teased Quatre once… his braid was now two inches shorter. A pity, really. So, for the sake of his life, the missions, and other sorts, he would be nice to the blonde Arabic. For once. And, hopefully, for the last time.

Quatre laughed nervously. "W-what laptop Heero? I don't see one."

"Of course you don't. It's the pile of rubble by your feet. Those are its remains. Now, tell me, Quatre. Are you going to say what happened to the laptop or are you going to keep lying?"

"Lying? I'm not lying."

"You're particularly bad at it, I assure you."

Quatre looks down. Here comes the guilt trip. He starts to tap his foot on the floor of the hangar as he puts his hands behind his back and looks down. You know that look. The one that says 'I'm not really innocent but I'm damn well going to try to be if it kills me'. He clears his throat. "Well, the laptop _started_ it… I just wanted to play a game of Solitaire and win. I couldn't get it right, though. I just wanted to play… I'm sorry, Heero. I'll replace the laptop. I swear. And I'll never touch it again and you know I mean it and when I say I mean it you know I won't go against my word and ---"

There he goes, babbling. It's a common symptom when you're nervous. Heero's noted that a lot of people stutter nervously when around him. Or agree with him. Or practically worship the ground he walks on. Heero wonders why everyone's so afraid of him. Those kind of people annoy him. He wishes he could kill them all. And who wouldn't blame him? Heero interrupts Quatre's talking. "It's all right, Quatre. I just wonder how you ever managed to get a Solitaire game on my computer."

Quatre looked to Heero and blinked. "It was there. What do you mean?"

"I mean I don't have Solitaire on my laptop. I only have Free Cell."

Quatre comes into the other hangar, muttering. No wonder he was losing! All card games look the same, anyway. He didn't even know what Free Cell _was_! Was it that simple? He looks up to see the other three pilots. Heero said he would clean up the remains of his laptop (he needed time to mourn its death), so he wasn't there yet. Duo is the first one to notice him. "Hey, Quatre! What's up? You don't look so good."

Quatre puts on a faint smile and begins to walk over. "It hasn't been my best day."

Trowa looks up to his fellow pilot. "You look like you need to de-stress. How about playing a card game with us…?"

Quatre twitched.

And, it all ends there. You can either guess what happens from there, or make up your own ending. Comments? Questions? Review! ^_^

Reminder for Heero: Next time he gets a laptop, make sure it has a simple version of Solitaire. A very. Simple. Version.

And, last comment. If you can't tell, I have something against the game of Solitaire. Not that it's a bad game, no. I just can never win. It's a game of luck, though. Not skill. *shrugs* Go figure.


End file.
